That’s right. I don’t own a single pair of shorts. It’s not that I have a problem with them (or people who wear them), it’s that I don’t like them on me.
And because I don’t like them on me, I don’t like how I feel when I wear them. And if I don’t feel confident or comfortable in them, I give them a hard pass. I am a firm believer in showing up for life looking your best so you can feel your best and be your best self. And if those fail, well then, at least be comfortable and wear stretchy pants.
It’s taken years, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am a pear shape (waa waa). Yes, possibly the most unfortunate of the fruits we use to describe our bodies…the dreaded pear.
Being a pear means it is hard for me to find pants that fit well because my booty is out of proportion to my smaller waist and upper body.
The good news is, with the exception of middle school gym class (Lord, help me) I have been able to largely avoid having to wear shorts in my lifetime. I prefer skirts and dresses that are actually lighter and more comfortable in the Summer months, as well as more flattering on my bod.
(Added bonus – when you wear dresses everywhere, sometimes people stop you in public and ask if you’re famous. And/or tell you their life story. Whatever.)
Other rules –
No patterned leggings. My thunder thighs are loud enough on their own. Enough said.
No butterfly sleeves on my bulky arms. I like my strong arms, but butterfly sleeves look ridiculous on my guns.
The correct fit trumps all else. No matter how adorable something is — if it doesn’t fit correctly, don’t wear it. I will admit that I struggle to stick to this one. I have bought things in the wrong size because my size was sold out. I even had a favorite white skirt that I safety pinned once and got called out for it. It was too big (I bought it while pregnant) and it should have moved to the “maternity clothes” pile. I’m just as guilty of wearing things that are looking too tight. My weight can be up or down 10 lbs any given day. (I’m a fluctuator — this could be a whole post for another day.)
When in doubt, find something A-line. This is always the most flattering fit on my body. It shows my small waist and drapes beautifully over my large bum.
Dress for your body, not the latest trends. I gravitate towards timeless pieces instead of trendy ones. I think this is why I struggle with patterns, actually. I also follow this rule for my future self to appreciate, when looking back at pictures.
As Karl Lagerfield says, “Trendy is the last stage before tacky.”
Do you have a favorite trend that you never gave up? I’ve always been into big sunglasses. So much so that in high school one of my girlfriends said “You are not actually going to wear those, are you? You look like a bug. Take those off.” They weren’t even that big. I bought the same $12.99 giant pair of sunglasses from Target for over ten years. I don’t even care. Judge away.
When big sunglasses were becoming “main stream” I was pumped because I could now find them at any given store. Then, as their popularity was on the decline, my big sunglasses left me looking/feeling a little “dated”. I swear someone at Target corporate was like “There seems to be demand at this Southern Minnesota store for this one pair of sunglasses. We had better keep stocking this 2007 best seller there.”
“Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak.”
I know I am not the only one with rules for dressing their best selves. What are yours? Do your friends and family make fun of yours too? Do they stare at you blankly when you say things like, “I don’t do bright colors.”?
What favorite things of yours gained popularity, only to leave you looking “so last year” when everyone else stopped wearing it, but it’s a part of who you are so you will beat that dead horse until it’s cool again in 20 years?